And what better way to open up this fortnight's missive than with a spot of insane, inhuman earwax removal without anesthetic courtesy of the frankly scary Trencher. Limited to just 100 copies all pressed on dark red vinyl, these cuties are going like the preverbal hot cakes. Trencher treat us to five slabs of head numbing brain purifying grind core. Remember how we all thought Extreme Noise Terror, Slayer and Nepalm Death were the dogs bollocks just over a decade ago, well this lot not only beat them in the speed and thrash stakes but as if to ram home the point, they run them over and reverse to make certain they ain't getting up. Charming titles such as 'Head trauma' and 'Erotica of flies' ensure that this won't be played at little Johnny from down the streets 4th birthday party. Gruesome. Flip the disc for a spot of Dadaist from Kurt Schwitters recorded in 1932 and in German. Are these lads and lasses at Victory Garden serious? Not wishing to sound disrespectful but there are times when it sounds like 'twinkle twinkle little star' as done by Dick Dastardly's sidekick, you know the daft one, long coat, funny hat, daft whistle. Yes him

So Trencher set their equipment up and just as they are about to start playing a force majeure deluges them in the used engine oil from a large and poorly maintained farm vehicle. Trencher are somewhat surprised at this turn of events, but carry on regardless. Their intended set of pristine pop songs is transformed in a twisted barrage of rock sludge. Trencher are somewhat surprised at this turn of events, but carry on regardless. They immediately slap a bunch of tracks down onto one side of red vinyl, drink piss from a cider bottle passed to them by Lemmy and hit the road in an old Transit. To fill the b-side of the single, they call in Kurt Schwitters who makes the sound of a man dancing barefoot on a hotplate trying to recite the alphabet while eating five gobstoppers. Trencher are somewhat surprised at this turn of events, but release the record regardless.